Angry? Moi?
I’ve been blogging for almost two years now, and recently I asked myself why.
I realise that it is not for meeting people, for comforting words from a kind stranger. It is not to entertain others. It is a release for me. A place to put my hate, rage, joy and sorrow, because I don’t show my emotions well.
I made too many mistakes when I first started. I revealed way too much sensitive information about myself, and I ended up hating myself for forcing it because I thought it might be good for me. I also decided that my fiance and I would make our relationship known on the site, which was kind of a mistake.
You see, my fiance is a very popular person – respected, liked, loved, sucked-up-to (and sure, he’s intelligent, funny, sexy, all the things a good man is) and I… Am not. Many people view me as the girl who is “lucky to have him” as if I am a lesser person than he. This is my fault, for people pity me, and often ignore me on his blog when I speak directly to them.
Why? Jealousy, sometimes. Sometimes it’s down to other circumstances that arose on the site when a person or two, after learning something about me, decided to wage a little war to see whom my fiance would side with, them, or me. Now, he’ll always side with the person who is right. I remember he banned me when he was an admin on one site, because I was waaaay outta line.
So, yeah. That’s one of the big reasons I came here. I’m tired of being known to people only as “his girlfriend” (if they even bother to acknowledge I am) and being ignored at every opportunity by some crazy fanboy/girl who wishes to worship my sweetie’s picture.
I’m sick of people picking fights, hoping to twist things so that people believe them (and they often do) because everyone knows I’m “mentally ill”.
Like I said, I made some major fucking mistakes. But hell. At least I’ll learn, right?
…maybe.
I’m generally just pissed off, fed up and feeling a bit sorry for myself.
Rant over.
Posted by Wordmobi
